


Float On

by LuzonMFjel



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: Alternate Universe - Kazuaki Survives, Angst, Human AU, M/M, Major Suicide Reference, One Shot, late night road trip with lots of crying basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 13:17:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8669149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuzonMFjel/pseuds/LuzonMFjel
Summary: Kazuaki felt betrayed.Hitori felt remorseful.What could a road trip to nowhere do to repair the tension between them?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by listening to a Modest Mouse album on the way back from a con in Wisconsin, so... Yeah. I'm not the best at angst, but here we go anyway.

Black night sky reflected the soft shape of his cheek back to his restless eyes. He was looking everywhere, anywhere, except the familiar figure in the seat next to his. He feared all his emotions would come back if he even so much as glanced at him, the way his chestnut hair fell over the bridge of his nose, or how his knuckles gripped the steering wheel with a silent intensity.

After all, with everything that had happened, all it would take was that, a simple glance, to bring them back. The feelings of regret and betrayal, overshadowing the once timid affection that beat in his heart no more than a few days ago.

The CD that Hitori had brought was playing quietly, providing soundtrack for the long stretch of empty highway they were coasting down. It was a mixtape, labelled "Road Trip!!!" in naïve blue sharpie, that the two of them had compiled and burned together.

The acoustic cover of Firework by Katie Perry was strange, he decided, and it was not his choice on the playlist. He leaned forward in his seat and clicked to the next song, one that fit the atmosphere better, keeping his gaze on the car stereo.

"Hey, I was listening to that."

Kazuaki startled in his seat and instinctively looked up to him. Immediately, he bit his bottom lip and turned his eyes back to the floor, trying to fight back his tears. He couldn't cry again. Not now, not in front of him.

"...M'sorry," was all he could muster, shaking fingers going to switch the song back.

Hitori's hand cupped over his, and another mistaken glance up showed the gentle, understanding smile on his lips. The same smile that calmed him through long nights, that assured him he was safe and loved, no matter what. Now it carried an air of superiority and cold pity. It was probably there all along, but he was just too stupid to recognise it before.

"Kazu, I was joking... We can listen to your song instead."

Kazuaki slowly nodded and pulled his hand away, burying it between his thighs. This was the first time they had spoken to each other since they got on the road, and one of the few times since the incident. The animosity hung thick between them, and it only made sense after all that had happened.

The music got a few notches louder, but Kazuaki stayed where he was, curled around himself. He didn't want to look at him again. He knew he would actually start crying if he saw that smile one more time.

"I like this song... I always think of you when I hear it..."

"Why.." Kazuaki fixed his eyes on the seams of his sweater, how the fabric bunched up around his wrists, exposing the pale, scarred skin underneath.

"Because... No matter what happens, you keep carrying on. Even..."

"Even what? Even when I'm tricked into committing suicide?"

The car fell silent, and Hitori picked at the leather steering wheel. It wasn't like Kazuaki to speak his mind, especially when he knew it would only cause more tension between them. But he couldn't help it now. He threw all of his courage into putting his foot down, mostly to protect himself. Besides the initial surprise, Hitori was a little... Impressed.

"...Well... Yeah.. Even that." There was only the sound of the droning engine behind the music. "...I'm sorry."

"I trusted you, Hitori. A lot." Kazuaki felt his bottom lip quivering, his cold fingers fiddling with the hem of his sleeve.

"I know. I had to, I didn't..."

"Stop! You keep... Acting like before, like you don't actually hate me, but I know you do, you said it, I-"

The car lurched over to stop on the shoulder of the road, and a truck horn sounded out behind them.

"Kazu. Do you know why I brought you here?"

"No! I don't know anything you do, it's like I don't even know you anymore, and you don't even talk to me so..."

"I wanted to say sorry..."

"W-Well you said it now, and it doesn't help anything..!" Tears were streaming down his face now, but his blue eyes were still locked on his wrists.

"Can I please... Just say something?"

"Fine..."

Hitori turned in his seat so his torso was facing him, his elbow resting on the centre console. "I never said I hated you."

"You said you never cared-"

"I was being an asshole. Of course I cared, I still do... But I didn't want to tell myself that..."

"Y-You didn't have to tell me!" Kazuaki finally looked up to meet his gaze, already a snivelling mess. "You coulda... You coulda said nothing..."

"I had to say it out loud. For my benefit. I never meant to care about you, but I did, and that made it so hard for me to follow through-"

"How can I believe you, after everything else you've lied about?"

The car fell to an awkward silence again, before Hitori muttered, looking at his folded hands, "I guess I'm asking you to trust me..."

"How many."

"..What?" Hitori raised his head with confusion. "How many what..?"

"How many people... Have you killed."

A brief sadness flashed over Hitori's eyes, his shoulders tensing and his eyelashes fluttering.

"....One. Before you."

Kazuaki sunk back in his seat and wiped his nose along his sleeve. "...So it's a game to you, then..?"

"I didn't... I didn't want to kill him... My brother..."

"But you wanted to kill me..."

"If you'd please.. Just let me explain, Kazuaki... I didn't want to kill you- necessarily."

"Then what did you want?! You shoulda just left me on my own, I could've done it myself..!"

"I wanted revenge... For my brother, so-"

"YOU KILLED YOUR BROTHER."

The CD ended with a scratch, and the occasional rumble of a passing truck was the only thing that interrupted Kazuaki's uneven breath.

"I know," whispered Hitori, as he pulled the car away from the shoulder. "I just wanted... To make things better."

Kazuaki hesitated to speak, quieting his sobs to listen to the quivering in Hitori's words. His own voice dropped its harsh tone, and he traced circles around his knee.

"How... Could I have made that better...? If I didn't call the ambulance... What would've changed?"

"I... After... He died, I heard him... I know, that makes me sound insane, but... I knew... Deep down, he wanted me to..." Hitori waited for him to interrupt, but when it didn't come, he just took a deep breath. "He wanted me to avenge him..."

"But if you killed him, then..."

"Then it was my responsibility, yes..."

"...But... Wouldn't avenging him mean suicide? I distinctly remember you... Faking that part."

"No- Well... I more like... Enabled someone else to kill him... So..."

"How do I come into all of this anyway? I never knew your brother, I never even knew you before he died, apparently, so why do you have to target me?" Kazuaki's tone picked up again and his gaze bore into Hitori's skull.

"I had to remake my life. The man that killed Nageki... Was very intelligent, he would recognise me, so I had to disguise myself. And it had to be convincing, so..."

"So you were looking for a life to steal?"

"To put it simply, yes."

"If you had just... Waited... I would've been gone soon anyway. Without all the pain you caused me..."

"Kazuaki..."

"It's true. You never had to trick me. I found a wire that was strong enough. I... I made plans. The day after you came to me, that's when I was gonna..."

Kazuaki felt his body sway to the side as the car took a sharp turn into a dimly lit fast food parking lot. He hadn't even noticed that they weren't on the highway anymore.

All at once, he heard the click of Hitori's seatbelt, then came the warmth and weight of his body. Gentle, familiar arms supported his back, and the rough palm of Hitori's hand caressed the nape of his neck.

"Kazu... I'm glad you're here with me... No matter what I might've said before, I really, really do care."

"That's hard to believe..." Kazuaki's restless fingers played with the strap on the back of his coat, and tears fell on his shoulder.

"I know..." Hitori sighed, pressing his nose into Kazuaki's neck. "Just trust me, like you did before... I'll make sure not to hurt you this time... Okay?"

Kazuaki's hands wandered up to play with the thick strands of dark brown hair down to Hitori's shoulder blades. "...Okay..."

He didn't want to give up on Hitori. No matter how much he wanted to despise him, push him away, forget he ever knew him, there was still something, deep inside, that still loved him, and he couldn't just ignore that feeling.

Hitori seemed satisfied with his answer. He exhaled deeply and hugged Kazuaki closer, closing his eyes and allowing his body to relax.

Kazuaki felt fatigue take him over, and soon his eyes slipped closed. In the silence of the car, he drifted off to sleep with the gentle melody that Hitori sang, the song he must've still had stuck in his head from the CD.

_Don't you worry, even if things end up a bit too heavy._  
_We'll all float on okay._  
_We'll all float on okay..._

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up on tumblr @candy-coloured-prince!


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